|And now, more Random Lines from Springtime in Nangaku: Further Adventures with Japanese Chicks (2015).
I had known Kiko only three months by this time but liked to think myself
the world’s foremost scholar of her cleavage. I could easily have cranked
out a ten-page paper on the subject and a couple of haikus on the side.
||By no means was I philosophically opposed to having my
pants pulled down by perhaps the most beguiling freshman girl in the entire
International Relations Department; it was just that I would have preferred not
having it done in front of a live and increasingly rowdy audience.
|I propose this as a
cultural universal: It’s always a sign of a successful party when there are
From the very first day of class, a chilly April morning, she had been
showing me the goods from a front-row center seat, her alabaster bosoms
lolling on her desk like two baby white seals sunning on an ice floe.
your workday begins with thirty young Japanese adults eagerly repeating a
dialogue about their desire to rub Ronald Reagan’s wrists, you don’t crave artificial sources of
this day, “They have no nipples” remains the most efficiently vicious remark I
have ever been present to hear any woman say about other women. If, God
forbid, I were to find
in a fantasy sports league, They Have No Nipples is what I would name my team.
Kuni were heaven-sent, she was not of that quadrant of Heaven that churns out
the limber, top-heavy Victoria’s Secret angels that were NU’s stock in trade.
Kuni was from old-school Heaven, home base of Cupids and other childlike
cherubs, creatures so presexual as to seem androgynous when they weren’t caught
peeing into fountains.
you got over the oblong shape of her head—and once you had become a pathetic,
poorly socialized, essentially friendless and oversexed forty-nine-year-old
heterosexual white man—you had to admit that there was something quite fetching
about this intern. A day without a dash of Kuni was…well, not quite a day.
One had to feel sorry for fathers of daughters, really. How frustrating must it be to come to Nangaku every day and not feel free to fantasize? It would be like making serial trips to Lourdes without bathing in its healing waters, or rocketing to the moon and just grabbing some rocks without pausing to take in the splendor of an Earthrise.
I thought about returning the compliment but felt it a bit early in our acquaintance for a frank exchange of views on the aesthetics of each other’s orifices. I’m just old-fashioned that way, you see.
only had she blithely accumulated vastly more sexual experience in half my years, but she was padding her
lead on a weekly basis. Though she wasn’t deliberately showboating, she was
gradually making me feel like the Washington Generals of sex.
One also notes that both of her hands are balled into fists in the photo,
as if she has reserved until the last instant her right to choose between
kissing me and pummeling me into unconsciousness. As the daughter of a
professional athlete, she was eminently capable of the latter. Looking back, I wish we could
have done both.
I vowed to drink little, behave
myself, and come home early. I almost pulled it off. True, I did kiss Goro on
the lips to celebrate his consuming a raw garlic bulb. And I flirted
shamelessly with the virginally blushing Shiori Taniguchi. And I asked Kisaburo
Baba, apropos of nothing, what the largest object he had ever stuck up his butt
was. But otherwise, I had been a model citizen.
the trauma of the inevitable
Michiko had worn
off, I was back on the sidelines, waving my arms like the scrawniest, runtiest
kid trying to get noticed by the captains choosing sides for a pickup
basketball game. Prey upon me! Oh, won’t
someone please prey upon me? I’ll do my best to give satisfaction and shan’t be
any bother, I swear!
would look at her during those visits to my office and think, It’s the darnedest thing! Objectively, this
is someone that I should be masturbating to on a regular basis. And yet, I
could never manage
to work her into the rotation.
this puppy-dog naivety on my part, NU girl-dom collectively sighed and resolved
to let me live. I’m guessing it was one of those five-to-four decisions
accompanied by a blistering dissent, though.
known that a beady-eyed junior boy, Yasushi, was fond of me ever since his
attempt to slide his tongue down my throat during my birthday party the
the classrooms in all the universities in all the world, she walks into mine.
He finished very
fast.Around....2 minutes..?I was surprised and a little bit shocked because i
couldn’t enjoy it at all...It was like “Oh? Already?” BUt i know girls aren’t
supposed to say “You come so fast(or already?)”and “what are you thinking about
now?”so,i didn’t say anything.....
Some ideas came up with
me....the reasons are must be....
1.He hadn’t masturbated for a
long time or hadn’t had sex in ages
2.He turned on too much because
i was too sexy
3.Physically he is easy to come
If it’s 3, that’s a bit
problem...Some friends had told me guys can overcome by training not to come
fast.But we have only 4months left, so i wanna enjoy with him as soon as
Well, anyway, I’ll wait and see
the next time..If the same thing will happen,I’ll worried again..What do you
The first draft of
my response began, “Well, what do you want me
to do about it?” I supposed I could fly down there and sit in the room and
stare during the whole proceeding. The unexplained presence of a silent, older,
bald gentleman in the corner might provide about the right degree of buzzkill;
I knew it would have worked for me.
Instead, I just got
to waxing nostalgic about my own experience with premature ejaculation, and had
ejaculated nearly two thousand words on the topic before I knew what was
An early morning fog
may linger at this altitude, and from this fog might emerge the angelic forms
of any number of NU women, each with her own bluebird perched on her shoulder
(or so it seems in memory), with a song in her heart and a
textbook clutched to her bosom.
You instantly want to
rest your knees on the warm red brick paving and give thanks to God almighty
for making you a Nangaku English teacher. You feel lighter, airier…ennobled even,
just to bask in the presence of these mythical beings. Their smiles radiate some meth-like property that
puts a new spring
in your step, their singsong morning greetings hit the cortex like so many
lines of cocaine. Side effects may include excessive sweating, accelerated
heartbeat, high body temperature, blurred vision, insomnia, palpitations,
convulsions, irregular heartbeat, obsessive behaviors, paranoia, inflated
self-opinion, chest-thumping, divorce, anxiety, agitation, sudden unemployment,
destitution, euphoria, compulsive memoir-writing and chronic
And so another day
at NU begins.